Did you have a life with children all mapped out — and then it didn’t happen?
From a young age, perhaps you assumed you would be a mother. Society, tradition and everyone around you pointed toward that path. For some it’s a desperate, consuming desire; for others, a track you stepped onto simply because it’s what everyone else was doing — without ever pausing to ask if it was what you truly wanted.
Either way, you saw that future mapped out in front of you: the sleepless nights and the beautiful milestone firsts — the first smiles, the first steps, the first birthdays. A bright, vivid thread running through the rest of your days.
But then, it didn’t happen. Whether through fertility challenges, life circumstances, or a choice suddenly taken out of your hands, the path altered — and instead of that bright future, you found yourself looking ahead at a blurry, grey one. This is not the life you planned for.
It can feel incredibly lonely, as if you’re stranded on a desert island. On the outside, your days might look exactly the same to everyone else. But on the inside, you are not the same person anymore.
And it’s completely normal to feel…
- Lost
- Guilty
- Ashamed
- Confused and overwhelmed
You are not empty.
You are grieving a completely mapped-out future that vanished — and that grief is real, and it is valid.
Right now, it’s okay if the landscape looks black and white. This isn’t about rushing to fix the picture; it’s about giving yourself permission to stand in the grey until you’re ready to find your direction again.
Let’s take a gentle step together and look at where you’re standing right now.
The Compass Path
Three prompts for pondering or journaling.
Make yourself a drink, grab your journal, and take a seat. Drop your shoulders away from your ears, breathe in, and exhale completely. Allow yourself to just be here, exactly as you are, without judgment — answer with raw honesty. Write your thoughts down, or simply think them aloud.
01 · Naming the invisible loss
Can you name one specific experience, milestone or feeling you grieve missing out on by not becoming a mother? Perhaps there’s a part of this grief you feel afraid or ashamed to share — that’s okay, you can name it here. Naming the specific shape of your loss is the first step in taking away its power.
02 · Gentle comfort for today
What is one small, gentle thing that would make your heart feel a little lighter today? This isn’t about fixing the big picture. Think small: a warm cup of tea, a walk in nature, an early night, or permission to say “no” to a social event.
03 · Glimpsing the horizon
If you allow yourself to look through the grey fog, what is one freedom, choice or opportunity you have in your future because you don’t have the responsibility of children? What could you choose to explore, build, or enjoy on your own terms?
A note from me
If you’re sitting in that bleak, black-and-white landscape right now, please know you are not alone. My own road was altered by fertility challenges, and I know the profound, quiet grief of watching the technicolour future you always expected vanish from view. I know what it’s like to feel stranded on a desert island, wondering how to accept a life without children in a world built around family milestones.
But I also know the deep, beautiful freedom that comes when you reclaim who you are and start designing a life of purpose on your own terms. Let’s work together to bring the colour back into your world.
Meet Janine
I’m Janine Jenkins, a Certified Life Coach and founder of Undo the Glue. I have lived a life with many chapters — some I wrote myself, and others that were hijacked by a different author. I know what it’s like to sit in the shit and not be able to see a way out.
I understand how it feels to lose yourself and be scared to take the next step because every single direction feels like the wrong one. But you don’t have to figure out the whole route today — we just need to find your footing for the next ten minutes.
Ready to undo the glue?
If you’re ready to take one gentle step forward and begin to undo the glue from the past, I invite you to a free, private 30-minute consultation. Let’s bring some colour back, together.
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